John Robert Vanson
Character Information
Gender Male
Hair Brown
Eyes Blue
Age 10
Occupation Student
Religion Roman Catholic
Debut Episode/Fic "South Park Unleashed"
Construction This article is undergoing construction. Please do not edit it as another update will be put up by the author soon.

John Robert Vanson is an original character created by JVM, who played a secondary role in many of the author's older works. He has been permanently retired in his creator's works since early 2011.

He has made a few cameos in other authors' fics, and occasionally been used in fan videos and fan art as well, even after his original author retired him. He makes some notable, silent cameos in the South Park - Rodel and Clare Chronicles series, alongside Rodel Madla. The character design depicted in the infobox is from these appearances.


John is a Caucasian male, with long, messy brown hair that usually stops anywhere between the top of his neck and part of his shoulders. His eyes are always blue, regardless if he tells you otherwise, and he wears pretty round glasses and almost never takes them off. He usually wears a black or yellow T-shirt under a red or dark blue hoodie, though he usually keeps the hood down. He has a very lanky build and almost no muscle to speak of. In some instances he wears a backpack, acne problems and/or a bandage or a minor scar on his cheek, but both aspects have largely been ditched.

His Fantasy role-playing costume is a Mage, and he wears a light blue bath robe as a cloak, a blue party hat with yellow stars as a wizard hat and carries a stick for a magic wand. His superhero costume as 'Know-it-all' is mostly a dark green hooded cape and gloves over a very light green shirt, with a black facemask.

Personality and TraitsEdit

Vanson is extremely friendly and optimistic, but is delusively convinced that everybody in town likes him and that every girl's in love with him. He consistently fails to understand others' insults, jokes, attacks, or general annoyance with him and is blindly trusting, writing off even blatant of betrayals as a friendly joke. Nonetheless, John can feel sympathy and a sense of loyalty to his "friends", even those who in reality despise him. As a result of this loyalty, he will blindly defend his "friends" and always express sympathy or offer a helping hand, and would hate anyone who hurt his "friends".

His most infamous flaw is, of course, his blatant and shameless perversion. He believes himself to be a ladies' man and will flirt shamelessly with anyone, often paying special attention to womens' busts. He is usually rejected and has few female friends as a result, though he accepts rejection as well as anyone can. While he is not overtly misogynistic he does clearly display several major traits of unconscious sexism. When he develops a more genuine crush, he is much more nervous and soft-spoken.

Though he believes himself to be powerful and dangerous, he is, in fact, incredibly weak and borderline incapable of even fighting, and very easily hurt due to his weak physical state.


With the exception of other original characters, Vanson has no real canon friends. He generally considers most characters his friends and they in just about every case, hate him with the passion of a thousand suns. In addition, John has never dated anyone in his own primary canon, though he has had romantic interests in other authors' works.

Annie KnittsEdit

In the fanfic "I Love Lucy", he marries Annie Knitts (then Polk) and they have a son named Andy. Their relationship is not shown in great detail, but they seem to have a mostly happy marriage and talk to Lucy about her pregnancy. It is often remarked that Vanson's time in college mellowed him out significantly, though he is shown reverting to his usual personality during the final chapters.

The fanfic, his most significant surviving appearance, was removed in 2015.


  • John originally had brown eyes instead of blue.
  • John was briefly mentioned (though not identified by name) in the author's later fic "The Girl Who Loved Cartman" by Dr. Steven Marshall as another patient, the only person with a stronger and more delusional ego than Eric Cartman.
  • His family life was never established in any of his appearances, and in one of his early appearances, he suggested he lived in the McCormick family's closet. He later alluded to a family and a home, but it was never seen.
  • In John 117's work, "The Stick of Truth: The Great Journey", he is depicted as a former Dovahkiin, a form of the player character in the real video game, "South Park: The Stick of Truth", but failed his mission.



Various old designs of John

John was created rather suddenly in July 2008 in response to a very brief uprising of original character fanfics that died shortly after. Originally a blatant self-insert, he first appeared in "Celebrity Palooza" and joined the other characters, male and female, in fighting a zombie creature, playing a mostly small role. He was used on-and-off in the early episodes of South Park Unleashed, generally as a recurring character in the second half of the original first and second seasons. He briefly got his own spin-off fanfiction entitled "The Story With No Plot", set during High School, and it played a large part in developing John's social circle and friendships, but it has since been deleted and permanently lost. The author has referred to it as a major embarassment.

John has since branched off into a separate unique character rather than a self-insert, based on an exaggerated version of the author's traits at the time of the character's conception, increasingly taking on more and more negative traits and losing his original positive traits. Despite this, the revised version of the character has yet to make an appearance, and he has fallen out of general usage in fanfics. His most recent appearance in a fanfic by his original author was a cameo in the 2010 fanfic "My Name is Pip", where he was killed off by Mecha-Streisand. He was considered to return in the second season but this was scrapped.

Outside JVM's works, he appears prominently in the fanfic "I Love Lucy", alongside Lucy Montgomery. He has also appeared briefly in the fanfic "One Little Slip". He also features in multiple flash animations.

Ad blocker interference detected!

Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers

Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.