|I Feel So|
|Written||September 20, 2006|
|No. of Chapters||19|
|Completed||April 14, 2008|
|Link||I Feel So|
I Feel So is a fanfiction written and published on FanFiction.Net by Brat-Child3.
I hugged myself and let out a sob: longing for the comfort of his smile, his touch. I was so sick. So sick and tired of being angry. In one clear moment, I realized how hopeless it had all been, and I asked myself: Now what?
Kyle and Stan find what’s really important after a series of emotional, heartbreaking trials. Kyle takes us through the events that changed his life forever, all of them revolving around the only love he has ever known: Stan. Stan is a hero in Kyle’s eyes, as they’ve been the best of friends for a long while. All of that rapidly changes as a young woman named Wendy moves into Stan’s life, throwing Kyle completely out of orbit.
Their story begins on a snowy school day, with their long-time friend Cartman making the usual jeers at Kyle. They were nothing but children, with Kyle being at the age of four, but their adventure gets off to an explosive start. It is on that day Kyle decides to make Stan his hero, because the young Stan does something that takes Kyle’s breath away. The kids in the class enjoy their Christmas cookies, with the exception of Kyle due to religious reasons. Cartman mocks his family’s beliefs, driving stakes through the tiny Kyle’s soul. ‘What’s wrong with me?’ Kyle wonders, desperately wanting to join his friends in their cookie party. But Stan takes a stand, offering his cookie to Kyle-and then stomping on his, when he finds out Kyle’s not allowed to participate in anything related to Christmas. It is with that decision Stan defends his friendship with Kyle, going against the villainous Cartman,
Sharing their days with Wendy, Cartman and Kenny, Kyle and Stan grow closer. They bond through school naps, shared milk and playground adventures. But as they grow older, Kyle fears losing Stan forever-particularly to the girl named Wendy. Stan is increasingly infatuated with Wendy, wanting to nurture a long-lasting relationship with her-much to Kyle’s horror. Being protective of his friend, and wanting to share Stan with no one, Kyle lashes out at Stan whenever he even thinks of mentioning Wendy.
Feelings are not obvious at the beginning of their tale, but hearts prove to be explosive in matters of love. Kyle and Stan have their first foray into love over Game Sphere, competing against each other in a spirited video game. Stan soon wrestles Kyle to the ground. What starts off as an innocent wrestling match turns into an eruption of feelings, but nothing comes of the venture. It is to Kyle’s horror that Wendy knocks on the door, putting an end to whatever was meant to happen next.
Kyle grimaces during Stan’s conversation with Wendy, loathing her very existence for cutting his time with Stan short. Stan eventually tells his friend he wants to spend more time with Wendy, setting Kyle off like a rocket.
The two of them share what makes Cartman tick at one point: porn. Neither of them can understand why their friend finds it so fascinating, but then they plunge headfirst into another explosive adventure. Stan and Kyle tangle with their feelings once again, and yet again, the adventure amounts to nothing-save for unrequited feelings. Kyle spends more time with Kenny, Cartman and Butters, finding temporary diversions from Stan. Their school days continue, filled with even more moments between Wendy and Stan (much to the group’s horror).
Kyle and Stan’s relationship strikes a feverish pitch at one point, with the two of them becoming incurably frustrated with each other. Stan tells Kyle they should put an end to their sleepovers, believing they’re much too old for sleepovers and besides, they probably look like ‘fags’. Anyways, their friends stopped sleeping over years ago. Time to move on, right? Not for Kyle. Kyle’s horrified by the latest turn in events, but in a whirlwind of anger, he rises to his feet and leaves. Stan’s shocked by his sudden departure, but Kyle deems him cold and distant, hardly wanting to see him again.
The days go on, with Kyle being more and more disgusted by Stan’s relationship with Wendy. He can’t pinpoint it yet, but Stan hanging out with Wendy sickens him because he wants Stan for himself. Agonizing over his unrequited feelings, he takes solace in a surprising source of comfort: Cartman. The sneering, malicious Cartman wants to join forces with him in tearing Stan away from Wendy. Kyle is stunned by his strange friend’s request, and is even more stunned by Cartman throwing his feelings on the table. Kyle denies any romantic feelings he carries for Stan, leading into yet another round of unrequited love and agony.
In the wake of one devastating disappointment after another. Stan decides to try something out on Kyle-his moves as a stripper. He wants to impress Wendy with the new tricks he scooped up. Kyle agrees to let Stan practice on him, even though it makes him increasingly uncomfortable. Stan’s stripping causes fire to swell inside of Kyle’s chest, but he’s unable to do anything about it. The suppression continues as Stan takes every available opportunity to declare his undying love for Wendy, with Kyle on stand-by, drowning under waves of disgust, scorn and loneliness.
The relationship hits another climatic point during a visit to an art museum. Kyle finds it excruciatingly difficult to hold back his feelings for Stan, finally admitting to himself that it’s Stan he wants, more than anything else. Wendy drafted him into a blind date, but Kyle wants nothing to do with his date-he’s much too occupied with Stan. But his friendship with Stan hits the biggest brick wall that night, coming to a dramatic, thunderous head.
Kyle’s shattered by the most devastating turn of events, and takes even more solace from Cartman-the kind of contact he only really wants to share with Stan. He quickly regrets surrendering everything to Cartman, feeling like he’s in a million pieces, scattered all over the floor.
Wendy and Stan’s relationship shatters, very much like Kyle’s heart on several occasions. Wendy confesses something to Kyle that stuns him beyond words: she really had feelings for him, not his best friend. Wendy’s advances fall on deaf ears and blind eyes, though, as Kyle’s heart has always belonged to Stan.
Kyle vows to remain Stan’s friend, no matter what-especially since he’s been broken over losing Wendy. The two of them patch their friendship up in the midst of heartache, and they finally confront their budding feelings for one another, saying they’ve always belonged to each other. Denial becomes a thing of the past as they move into the future, friends and all. Cartman, forever in his own world, pursues Wendy. The little group ends up going through their trials, but is ultimately happy.
Kyle and Stan stay by each other’s side, still very much the best of friends-and the closest of lovers. Stan goes back to being Kyle’s hero, now and forever.