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Girl Scout Cookies
GirlScoutCookies
Fanfic Information
Series Threadbare South Park
Author ThreadbareSP
Genre Humor/Friendship
Rating T
Written December 20, 2011
No. of Chapters 3
Status Complete
Link Girl Scout Cookies
Warnings Language
Series Chronology
Hedgehog Girl Scout Cookies Mysterion Has TittyVision
Fic Chronology
Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner Girl Scout Cookies Elephant Balls

Girl Scout Cookies is a short fanfiction written and published on FanFiction.Net by ThreadbareSP. In its entirety, the story is written in the form of a script and approximately the length of a half-hour South Park episode.

Synopsis

Cartman is devastated when Girl Scout cookie season ends. Unable to survive without Thin Mints, he joins forces with Charlie in a business venture that involves infiltrating the Girl Scouts themselves.

Plot

Cartman goes to the grocery store with his mother and Becca. They run into Charlie, who was recently employed by the store even though she is too young to work legally.

Cartman wants to buy cookies from the Girl Scouts outside the grocery store, but he is shocked and horrified to discover that the Girl Scouts are gone, since Girl Scout cookie season has ended. After having a nightmare about Thin Mints, Cartman decides to take matters into his own hands. He invites Charlie to join him in a money-making scheme. His plan is for Charlie, a girl, to join the Girl Scouts. Then, exploiting a legal loophole, the pair will purchase and sell Girl Scout cookies in the off-season. (Cartman fails to mention his plans to eat many of the Thin Mints.) After some negotiating, Charlie agrees.

Charlie has her first Girl Scouts meeting at Bebe's house. Mrs. Stevens, the den mother, explains the Girl Scouts' mission to create future homemakers and wives. When Charlie mentions that she works at the grocery store, Mrs. Stevens is outraged.

The next day, Charlie goes to Cartman's house. She is angry because she was fired from her job after her boss was confronted by the police about hiring a nine-year-old. Charlie thinks Cartman tipped off the police, but Cartman denies it.

Cartman explains the business plan to Charlie: they will take out a loan from the bank and set up an account in Charlie's name, make purchases from a local Girl Scout cookie storehouse using the new bank account, and sell the cookies to the locals for a profit. When they reach the storehouse, Cartman is elated to see copious amounts of Thin Mints. When they return to Cartman's house, he sends Charlie out to hang posters. Once she's gone, he begins to scarf down Thin Mints.

A day or two later, Cartman is in his basement, where they have set up shop. He is discussing a purchase on the phone with a client. Charlie comes downstairs, and she says that a table she has set up is sold out. She excitedly explains that, even with their bank loan and purchases, they are already $200 in the black.

Charlie gives Stan a present and some money. Suspicious about where this gesture came from, Stan calls Kyle. He realizes that Charlie gave Kyle and Kenny generous gifts too. (Kenny's gift, for example was a "new coat" with thirty dollars hidden in the pocket.)

Later, Stan, Kyle, and Kenny watch television. They ask Charlie to join them, but she says she can't because she is going to Cartman's house. After she leaves, the boys joke that Charlie and Cartman could be "friends with benefits." After a minute, they begin to wonder if it might be true. They follow Charlie to Cartman's house and spy on them in the bushes.

When Charlie gets to Cartman's house, she catches him eating the last of three boxes of Thin Mints. She becomes furious, demanding to know how much product Cartman has eaten altogether. Since Cartman's gluttony is reducing their income, she demands a greater share of the profits. This sparks a screaming match between the two. The boys who had been spying on them are satisfied that they are not romantically involved, saying, "She comes over here to fight with him."

At another Girl Scouts meeting, the girls are comparing the attractiveness of various boys in the class. Charlie is extremely bored. When the meeting ends, Mrs. Stevens reveals that she was the one who informed the police about Charlie's employment at the grocer. Charlie is angry about this. When Charlie leaves, Mrs. Stevens whips out a phone and tells someone she has "a Scout you might want to keep an eye on."

Back at Cartman's house, Cartman and Charlie are in an insult-hurling screaming match. At one point, Cartman demands that she "respect [his] authoritah," a request which Charlie ignores entirely. After arguing for several minutes, Becca comes downstairs. Using her power to charm both of them, she tearfully pleads for them to get along, saying that both Charlie and Cartman are part of her "family." Neither of the two are swayed until Becca mentions that Cartman sometimes reads her bedtime stories. Charlie is touched by this, and she finally agrees to stop fighting with him.

At this moment, a searchlight shines through the window. A man speaking through a megaphone shouts that the house is surrounded and urges everyone inside to surrender. Charlie, Becca, Cartman, and Mrs. Cartman come out the front door, where they see that the house is surrounded by police cars and officers. Three SWAT team members rush up and tackle Charlie. They take her away in handcuffs. When Becca asks an officer what Charlie did, he tells her that she "broke the Girl Scout law."

Kyle and Stan are watching the news at Stan's house. They learn that Kenny has died in a fire. Kenny originally escaped unharmed, but he died when ran back in to get his new jacket with thirty dollars in the pocket.

Charlie comes home after being arrested. Still shaken from the incident, she explains that she was respected for "not respecting Cartman's authoritah," which meant she broke the Girl Scout law (which included the obligation to "respect the patriarchal order"). She apologizes to Stan and Kyle for blowing them off, and vows to spend more time with her "real friends" (to which Stan replies, "Who?").

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